Where to even begin?
It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and I’ve been mostly just trying to catch up with myself in order to be able to write about it. Perhaps I should do this like that episode of Seinfeld, where they all went to the wedding in India and the story kept backtracking to the start of the story? Here goes:
I got a big idea earlier tonight.
Flashback to Friday, January 7th. I’m in a course for the weekend called the Landmark Forum. You can read about it here. I went in with trepidation, saying “I’m not going to participate, I’m going to listen to my iPod, I’m certainly not drinking the kool-aid.” By noon that day, you guessed it, I had drank the kool-aid and was making some changes. You’ll have to ask me for more details or stay tuned as I write more about the course as time goes on. Suffice it to say, I know now that I can do anything, I can create whatever I want in my life, and I am not bound by the past or my reactions to it. Poor Man didn’t know what to do with me when I came home and took ownership of making him wrong for the end of our marriage and told him I was committed to having a meaningful relationship with him, whether inside or outside of our marriage. I know. You coundn’t WRITE this shit! In any case, for the purposes of this post, it’s what came out of this is what’s important.
Flash forward to Sunday, January 9th, 9:45pm: As an ending to the weekend, they encouraged us to make a commitment to something that we would do before meeting for our graduation on Tuesday. I (again) resisted this, but after hearing all the exciting things my classmates were up to, I chimed in with my own commitment: I was going to start running again (something I had been meaning to do after my nearly 3 month break from it), and sign up for another half marathon.
Flash forward to Monday, January 10, around noon: I logged onto the BMO Marathon site and proceeded to register for the half on May 1, then something happened. Seemingly drunk on the power I suddenly felt over my own life, I hovered my cursor over the FULL marathon box, and a tiny voice in my head (I call her Ethel), said “You’ve done like, a bazillion halfs, don’t you think it’s time to throw your balls in the ring and do a full?”
And that is the box I checked.
I have about 16 weeks to get myself ready to run a distance I get tired DRIVING.
Holy crap.
Flash forward to yesterday, my “rest” day (which actually followed several other rest days, wherein I quite fully enjoyed all the caloric delights of a weekend in a ski chalet with some friends), and I started to feel the gravity of my crazy box-ticking of last week. I brushed it aside, reminded myself that I am bloody SUPERWOMAN and that I can do anything I want, and pulled out my carefully-prepared, color coded training schedule, and went for a run today. It was great. I am already looking forward to the 5K I will do tomorrow.
So today, when I went to my Landmark (follow-up) Seminar (the 1st of 1o I will attend over the next 3 and a half months), I was prepared for some more big things to knock me on my ass.
If you know me at all, you know that I am part of a “Book Club”. You may also know that we rarely talk about the book, or even read it. For instance, we are meeting in about a week, and I have no clue what the book even IS. We use it as an excuse to eat some goat cheese, drink some wine and talk about sex and the stuff going on in our lives. I have been a part of this group for several years, and the women in it have become some of my dearest, most amazing friends. I think part of the magic is that they aren’t necessarily a part of my WHOLE life, so we seem to savour what we share.
One of our group, Susan, was diagnosed with breast cancer this past fall, and I know we’ve been collectively sending every possible, “BEAT IT SUSAN, YOU ROCK” vibe at her, and she inspires us all with her courage and grace. I remember when I first met Susan; I was arriving at my second book club meeting, approaching the door to the apartment building, when she approached, carrying her newborn son, Soren, in one of those portable seat-things. I waited at the door so that I could hold it open for her, and at the elevator, we realized we were both heading to the same place and the rest is history. I’ve always thought a lot of Susan, and that hasn’t changed. She’s funny, beautiful, authentic, intelligent, and completely graceful. My marriage hitting the rocks and the appearance of her cancer came at about the same time, and even in the confusion and shock of that time, she still made time to reach out to me and make sure that I was doing okay through my own personal crisis. I will always remember that and try to support others even when my world is falling in (and it’s bound to again at some point, that’s just life).
So flash forward, or back, or wherever we are (I am so clearly not cut out to write for Seinfeld), and I have a brainbang. As a way to really commit to becoming Super Marathoner, I decided to make it even more real and meaningful. Are you ready for it? In the next 16 weeks, I am going to raise at least $5,000 for breast cancer (I refuse to capitalize it, it’s not deserving). I am going to do this for Susan, who is a runner on hiatus, who is fighting to be here for her boys and her lovely husband, and I am doing it for all of us that have breasts or like to admire them. I am doing it so my niece never has to have a mastectomy. I have no idea how generous people will be, so I will start it at 5K, with the full intention of increasing that to 10 or 15. People will be generous. I’ll tell them this story and they will hand it over. Susan and I are very persuasive that way.
Whadya think?
I just know way too many women (and men, and children) who have been touched by this and it has to stop. This goal, this commitment, gives me tingles, it’s so exciting.
It will work this way: people will hand me money (cheques, cash, funds via paypal etc), I will sock it away in an account and keep track of names and amounts with a Big Spreadsheet of Love, and then send the whole lot to the BC Cancer Foundation. You will receive a tax receipt if you wish one (I think donations over a certain amount get them), and we will make some moola and a difference. I will keep you posted on how we are doing. On May 1, I will race. Perhaps you should join me and raise your own money.
