I have officially left my Day Job and am completely and totally self-propelled at this time. It’s both scary and it’s utterly fabulous. And with these massive life shifts comes much processing and spacing out at stop lights.
It’s been all of a day and a half, and I anticipate much joy in not working for 5 hours when I get home from working all day, not juggling and squishing commitments into too small spaces, and living my Big Life on my Big Terms. I know it’s going to be challenging, but I am totally okay with that. I have managed to make it happily through the rough ride of the past year, but somehow I landed ungrounded and scattered, so I look forward to getting some of that back.
One of my biggest cheerleaders throughout the past two years was Jessica Leavitt, whom you’lll recall passed away very suddenly last September, and I find myself profoundly missing her now. Jess was one of those women with whom I had an instant connection – I felt like I already knew her when we were introduced. I never stopped being curious about her and wanting to know more about her glorious self. She was one of the first people to know I was separating from Man (I went into work on that October morning and she was one of the only people there – I cried and cried and she said her peace and then told me to go home. I was heart sick, after all.) Over wines and cheeses, we shared our gifts as coaches, and she quietly had my back as I moved ahead on my plans.
Now that I’m here, I can’t help but think of her all the time. I think of the way she led her life and the beautiful way that she touched all of us. I think of her steadfast determination that I would have the very life I dared to dream of, in that ugly yellow office of mine with tears streaming down my face. She somehow knew and assured me that even in the crumbles of my relationship and the pile of potential I thought I had, that I could DO IT. And I did.
My next few weeks are filled with reconnecting with friends and colleagues, stretching my networking muscles and she would surely have been at the top of that list – I would have made a pilgrimage to Victoria to take her to dinner, share my joy, and grab all the beautiful inspiration from her that I possibly could. I know it’s purely selfish, this missing her I do. She left behind a young family, and it is beyond NOT FAIR that they have her no longer. I acknowledge all this, but I also know that in my bubble, things are largely about Me. Isn’t that just human nature? To be empathic and away of others, but still look out for ones self?
In any case, I miss her and I think of her all the time. I try to shine out in the world what she did; that we all have the capacity to Make it a Great Day, that anything is possible if you just get out of your own damn way, that love is paramount and there’s always lots of it to go around, that what you nurture can grow.
I guess I’m just in a really grateful place for the people I know and have known and all the support I’ve enjoyed. Feels good to be right here.
Jessica was an amazing individual. I knew her for such a short time, but that short time and that one coaching session really made an impact in my life. I’ve always wanted to do something that would let me help people, and one of the last things Jessica and I talked about was how lucky she felt that she got to do just that. I would have loved more time with her to see how our own interaction would have formed over time. I agree completely with your words – I think that it’s important that we all shine out the energy that she contributed to this world, because it was positive and loving. She’d be really proud of you and the steps you’re taking. I don’t doubt that wherever she is now, that she’s cheering you on.