I booked my holidays accordingly and found a few swanky hotel deals to make it a bit of celebration weekend for myself – things have been going well; certification is over, I would have been living on my own for almost a year, etc etc.  I was really looking forward to my getaway as well as the course itself, but Alaska Airlines had other plans…

I was to fly out Thursday morning and as I was leaving from Bellingham (I got a return trip for $250!), and we had been getting a lot of snow, I left my house at 3:20 am to get across the border and fly out.  I arrived at the airport and was told my flight to Seattle was cancelled – mechanical problems.  Apparently I have a viable case to get a refund for that leg of the trip.  I was told to jump on a shuttle to get to Seattle, and although that airport was completely shut down at that point due to weather, the people in Bellingham were (somehow) optimistic that it would reopen later in the morning and it would be fine.

I forked out some cash for a delightful shuttle ride; the bus got fuller and fuller and hotter and hotter as we stopped at every casino, hotel and outhouse on the way to Seattle (it seemed). I spend the majority of the ride next to a guy who was on hold on the his cell with Alaska Airlines and told his tale of woe to every single person who had ears on the bus as he did so.  The only thing missing from that ride was crates of chickens.  By the end of it, I was shouting inside my head “LET ME OFF THIS THING!”

We finally arrived at Sea-Tac and it was super pleasing to see that there was a 3km line weaving all around the airport of people trying to get re-booked on upcoming flights after learning theirs had been cancelled.  I had received a text and a phone call during the shuttle ride telling my that my flight was not leaving, but that I was automatically booked on a flight for 6:30 the following morning.  Rather than wait and wait and wait, I opted to have friends book me a room in a time-share thing they have (thanks K!) and grabbed a cab into the city.  I had been up far too long and was getting tired, but I wandered the snowy streets, killing time, until my room was ready late in the afternoon.  Not a super fun day, but I did pick up Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and camped out in a coffee shop for a couple of hours.

I finally got into the room and ordered some food, watched season 1 of Nurse Jackie (LOVE), and then collapsed for the night.  I had a cab coming at 4:30am to take me back to the airport…

I woke up Friday looking a fright: papery pale, pisshole eyes, and a sluggish body that was wondering what I was doing to it.  $50 later, I arrived at the airport again to find out that my flight had been cancelled (again), and that I had been rebooked (again).  Problem is, the rebooking was for a flight on SUNDAY morning at 7:30 – problem is, I needed to be in San Fran for my course that would begin SATURDAY.  How helpful of them to get me there a day before I would fly back!  Shouldn’t an airline with the word ALASKA in its name know how to fly in SNOW???

I spent the next couple of hours visiting every airline in the airport trying to get a flight out, and the only option I found was a flight Saturday morning at 6am – there was one seat left for $200.  I weighed going back to the city, killing another day, renting another room, handing over more money to my lovely cab-drive Tom (total sweetheart!) and opted to take some control: I decided to rent a car and get there myself.  I learned to drive in the snow, so I wasn’t worried about that, and I just wanted to GET THERE.

I rented a Buick Lucerne (the Crowne Victoria they gave me originally was old and dumb, and even with the (bench) seat pulled all the way up, I would have been driving on tiptoes all day and decided I was not going to be doing that) and it was quite nice and felt very solid.  I also made sure I had a GPS, and that thing saved me a hundred times as I navigated epic, Biblical rain all day…

So then I drove, and drove, and drove.  With minimal stops to wake myself up and grab giant coffees, I made it in 16 hours.

I dropped the car at the airport, and caught the BART.  Years ago, before Man and I had any money to even speak of (and even after we did), we would have big Date Nights at the Roxy Theatre in Victoria.  On Saturdays, they offered three movies for $5 and they had the best popcorn in the world.  The Roxy is actually an old porn theatre, complete with double seats that make you not want to think too much about what’s happened on them.  I bring this up because the BART was just as disgusting.  It had soiled and yucky seats, and IT HAD CARPET.   Just think about that for a minute.

I got off the BART, and it must have been close to midnight at that point.  I went to go above ground and wouldn’t you know, the escalator was broken.  I humped my 42 pound suitcase up THREE FLIGHTS of stairs.  Little had I known I wasn’t going to need 40% of what I packed and could easily have left it all at home…

I stepped out into Union Square and proceeded the 3 blocks to my hotel – The Westin St Francis (thanks for F&F rate, Sarah!) and twitched in line behind 5 other people and the Cashersons (they didn’t want the room put on their credit card, and instead counted out the cost in cash – in singles and 5′s, it would seem) – I had been awake for about 20 hours at that point, was utterly drenched from the rain, and all I could think about was breaking into the bottle of 7 Deadly Zins I had picked up back in Redding, CA.

The rest of the night goes this way: room service was running about an hour so I opted to just eat some food from my car trip, I got a leelte bit drunk and texted people at random about how much I loved them, I briefly considered eating a chocolate bar from the mini-bar but decided not to when I found it was $7.50, I ordered room service breakfast, I collapsed in a slightly drunk (ok, a lot) heap and slept.  I was in the room a total of 8 hours.

In the morning, I ventured out for coffee and wifi so I could let people know I was alive and not still on the road somewhere, ate the (very salty) breakfast that was delivered, and caught a cab to Corte Madera.  I saw a little of the city during the 30 minute drive to my course.

The course was super, although I would have liked to get more from it, but I do understand they want me to sign up for the rest of them.  I am QUITE schooled out at this point, so that will have to wait.  I chose that day to put my contacts in, and by noon, my left eye was having a vicious allergic reaction to the (brand new) lens.  By 6pm I looked like I had been shooting heroine all day.  I took out the lens, grabbed dinner and camped out in my room.  I had a coaching call to do for homework (thanks Lori and Clay!) at 8pm.  The call ended at 8:30 and by 8:38 I am fairly certain I was asleep.

My eye did not do well overnight; it watered and weeped and I woke up with it glued shut.  I went to Starbucks for a coffee, and someone asked me if I had been in a fight.  Awesome.  I spent the day flinching from the pain and wiping tears as they dripped down my face.

I ended the day at a lovely boutique hotel (The Diva) and picked up (completely flavourless) Thai food.  I fell asleep watching The Help on my iPad…

I had a few hours to relax the following morning; I was flying out in the afternoon and could leave my giant suitcase at the hotel.  I did a bit of shopping, shot some photos (below) and then headed, you guessed it, back to the airport.  I was going to get there nice and early just in case.

The agent at the counter informed me that because I had missed my flight on Sunday morning at 7:30 that the entire rest of my trip had been cancelled.  Super.  I told her a little about my trip down and she quite helpfully re-booked the rest of my trip and made it as direct as she could.  Wanting to get some work done, I cruised through security (you know, why don’t we just cut the shit and make everyone go through naked? You have to remove your belt, shoes and who-knows-what-else, wouldn’t it be easier to have us all in those white hazmat suits to clear the gate???) and settled in next to an outlet.

Then there was an announcement.  Oh, yes.  My flight had been cancelled.

I went BACK out of the secure area and then waited, I have no idea…2 hours?…for a shuttle to Oakland.  The bright spot was meeting Lynn – the nicest dude in the world from Seattle who drives a scooter and plays drums in a band – we spent the day together and he made it quite bearable (thanks Lynn!)  From there, I am happy to report it was quite uneventful.  I finally stepped on a plane in Oakland and arrived in Bellingham just before midnight.  Because my giant bag had been tagged WAAY before I flew anywhere, I really had no idea where it was even going, but I was eternally thankful that the comedy of errors did not extent to my luggage; it was waiting for me in Bellingham.  I grabbed a bottle of wine, filled Molly with gas, and arrived home to a very happy basset hound around 1am.  We had a cuddle sleepover.

Here’s what I learnt:

• I overpack – I could have brought a third of what I did and will do so next time.  Workout gear?  Who needs it?  As my friend Kirstin said last night: “Screw workout stuff.  If you want to work out, do it in your room, naked.”  Good plan, indeed.
• You have to laugh, otherwise you’ll cry
• There’s a Dr. Suess exhibit at some gallery in San Fran (I heard all about it on the radio in the car)
• I could have paid just a little more, flown out of YVR and arrived the same day I left.  You do indeed get what you pay for.
  

  Glorious weather in downtown Seattle

  

  Hmmmm.

  

  Westin Breakfast

  

  Diva Hotel

  

  Ahhhh...love The Diva

  

When I returned to the Victoria terminal to come back to Vancouver on Boxing Day, I enquired about the overcharge and the pretty young thing in the booth told me to visit the admin office, get a form and send it in – no problem.  I did that, and today, when I checked the mail and found an envelope from BC Ferries, I expected a cheque for $14.25.

I normally wouldn’t have even bothered to ask for the refund, but as this is BC Ferries and I have forked over more money to them in my lifetime than I care to recall, I thought if it was so easy, I would.  I was wrong.

In the envelope today was a polite letter thanking me for my request, but that they “regret that they are not able to approve my refund request, as disputes of this type must be resolved at the departing terminal at time of travel, when the passenger count may be verified…”

Ahem. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, BC Ferries?

I had something to say about this:

Dear Kathryn:

 Re: Refund Request

 I have been a passenger on BC Ferries since I first moved to Vancouver Island in 1994; I have since returned to live on the Mainland, but on average, I ride the ferry an average of twice per month to the Sunshine Coast, the Gulf Islands and Vancouver Island.  The only exception to this is the fall of 2002, when I rode between Vancouver and Victoria 47 times in 6 weeks as I tended to my dying mother-in-law.  My point in saying this is that not only am I what I would consider a frequent and perhaps even valued customer (I often drive onto the ferry, eat on board, and even frequent the gift shop), but I also don’t tend to balk at the ridiculous amounts of money that BC Ferries charges me for the pleasure of my passage.

 On December 23, 2012, when I drove through the payment booth, and was overcharged for the occupants of my car (it was myself and my dog and I was charged for 2 people), I took my receipt and was perhaps focused on getting my dog out for a stretch before boarding and grabbing a coffee after my frantic morning wrapping up my work for the holidays, rather than scrutinizing my receipt. 

 You suggest that I should have taken this up at my departing terminal, and my failure to notice is clearly my error, but I do wonder what you would have had me do had I noticed it there?  Should I have parked my car in lane 35 and hiked back to the payment booth to ask for a refund, interrupting another passenger’s transaction in the process?  I think that would have been dangerous to do.  Perhaps I was to visit the administration office, but in all honesty, in 16 years of riding the ferry, I had never encountered such a problem, and it might not have even occurred me to do so.

When I realized before my return to Vancouver that I had been overcharged, I asked at the booth when I was paying to return to Vancouver, and was directed to the administration office, where I was gleefully told, “No problem!  Just send this form and we’ll issue a refund to you!”  I left feeling optimistic and appreciative of the great service.  Then I received your letter.

I enjoyed a long career in marketing and public relations, before starting my own company, and I have certainly paid my dues in customer service along the way.  You know what I think is a universal truth?  That the customer is always right.  In the grand scheme of welcoming what was likely thousands of cars and passengers on your vessels that day, you can’t seem to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, I am telling the truth to you and that I deserve the benefit of the doubt.  I can assure you that I am not someone who visits a restaurant and ever sends my food back, I don’t return clothing I’ve worn, if I am given too much change, I point it out.  I tend to believe it all just seems to come out in the wash; I am not someone who complains, but this situation has compelled me to respond to you. 

It would seem to me, that despite constant increases in fees, BC Ferries needs my $14.25 more than I do, and you are welcome to it.  I just want to acknowledge that the principle of this situation has left me extremely displeased, and I am not, by nature, very quiet.

Like many residents, I don’t have a lot of choice but to travel on BC Ferries; the amount of traveling I do makes it just too expensive for me to fly, and as a dog owner, I am also limited when my dog is with me.  However, please know that if I had more choices, I would certainly exercise them.

 Thank you for your letter; I now know that in future, I am to carefully watch what your staff does so that I am not left hoping that you’ll treat me as a valued customer in the event of a discrepancy.

Kind regards,

 Tara Caffelle

 ***

The next story will be the epic adventure that took me to San Francisco this past weekend.  At least it’s all good blogging material, right?

Happy New year to everyone….I know for sure that 2012 is going to ROCK.

_____

What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Hm.  Finished coaching certification, wrangled my life and 7 clients while working full-time, settled myself and a dog into a whole new life, finished the year debt-free, flew a plane, bought a bottle of rum (seriously, I had never purchased one in my whole life), bought grown-up wintery tires for my car, and visited Montana and Idaho.

Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

This is what I wanted to do:

• eat primally, lift some weights, walk lots.  Drop some more pounds.  I did the EXACT opposite of this and for that I would like a medal.
• travel as planned – Done.  I got to Montana and points beyond.
• write Done
• find places to wear my bikini  Done.  And I also found places to take it off..heh heh
• live with purpose, keep looking for balance  I think I did pretty well at this.
• find happy and triumphant moments  Done.
• get divorced  Almost…we’re officially filing in January, mostly because the mediation lawyer was so so darn BUSY.  How sad is THAT?
• date  Le sigh.  Done.
• drink wine  Check.
• watch “Love, Actually” WITH Monica  DONE, twice I think…
• kayak  Done.  And I even fell out of one.  Good times.
• hike  Around my neighborhood, yes.  I think that counts.
• don’t ever behave to make Baxi hide again.  Sorry, little Buddy.  CHECK.  He’s had a very happy year, despite how miserable he likes to make people think that he is.
• get regular oil changes on car  Done!
• get regular pedicures  Done. I got two this year, and each lasted several months, so I think that counts.
• enjoy frequent puppy joy  Oh, done,  done and did.

My goals and plans for 2012:

Lose some weight. Again.  Exercise.  Realize that running is not the only form of activity that I can do.  Follow the joy.  Live big and Play Big and rest before I have to.  Get through my 37th year list (which begins in February), don’t hold back until I meet someone – jump into life now.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Lori, Nina, Saskia, Julie…I think that was all?

Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.   My dear friend Jessica passed very suddenly in September, and she was very young and vibrant and amazing to all of us.   I miss her every minute.  I also just heard that two women I knew when I lived in Smithers (one of whom I considered to be a friend) were killed in a car accident earlier this week.  I am done with people dying this year.

What countries did you visit?

Only the US,  but I did manage several states: Montana, Idaho, Washington, and Wyoming.

What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A slower paced life, more purpose to my work and play.  More naps and the stopping-of-time bliss that goes along with them.  Perhaps sharing my life with someone new who isn’t a complete drip.  Self-control around cheese.  More tubbas in big bathtubs.  Solitude in the wild.

What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

January 29th (Freedom Day), November 23rd (dear friends Wren and Kristen moved away), November 30th (certification ended!), December 23-26 (my completely relaxing Christmas holiday with Baxi)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Settling into a completely new life all on my own and all that it entailed (all the solo “firsts” I got through).

What was your biggest failure?

I think it was letting my health and fitness fall off and then be run over, again and again, by a cheese truck.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

My knee….it’s still not better from the marathon and I am now looking at physiotherapy

What was the best thing you bought?

I quite like my iPad and my bike.

Where did most of your money go?

Certification and supporting all the time that took (dog care, takeout, etc etc)

What did you get really excited about?

I remember soaking in my giant bathtub in the hotel on December 23rd and tearing up because I couldn’t possibly imagine being any happier than I was in that moment.

I also squeal whenever a package is delivered for me, or Baxi manages to get from the car into the house off-leash.  I think I may actually be a 5 year-old.

What song will always remind you of 2012?

I had a few theme songs for the year:  Adele – Set Fire to the Rain and Rolling in the Deep; Katy Perry – Firework; Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts; Usher (etc) – Without You

Are you?

Happier or sadder?  Much, much happier.

Thinner or fatter?  Much, much fatter.  And as much as I mention it, I still am quite smitten with myself, I’m just a little sorry that I let it happen (sorry, body, I’ll start taking care of you again soon)

Richer or poorer?  About the same, I think.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gotten outside.  Rested big. 

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Watching shitty re-runs.

How did you spend Christmas?

In Victoria with Baxter; we stayed in a cozy B&B.  I visited with friends whom I have known no less than 14 years.

What were your favorite books of the year?

I guess it would be the only books I read this year: The Girls with the Burning Tattoo of the Hornet Series (or whatever it was called)

What were your favorite films of the year?

I don’t remember.  Bridesmaids?

What did you do for your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 36 and I think I spent it with the Child-Hating, Costume-Wearing Dolt I was dating at the time.  Let’s hope my 37th is a little more memorable.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Spending more time where my cell phone doesn’t work.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

“Sweats are sexy” and tights and tunic are the new jeans.

What kept you sane?

Wine, Baxter, friends, and my giant bed.

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011?

Spending more than $10 on a bottle of wine is always worth it.  I ALWAYS smell like a certain aromatherapy company store I work for.  Baxter loves me more than anything else in the whole world (even food).   Buying grown-up tires is worth the peace of mind.  I am stronger than I think and I relearn this every single year.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Kardashians.  Who the fuck cares about these people???  How is it that people are famous just for having money?   Also, our delightful Premier and Prime Minister.  And what’s with his HAIR, anyway?

Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yes. And also out.

What was your favorite TV program?
Big Bang Theory, Up All Night, Dexter, United States of Tara 

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope, no one new, just the same Yoga Trollop as I did last year.  I don’t hate, as a general rule, but I make an exception here.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Every year this questions seems more and more ridiculous to me.  So I will not answer it.

What did you want and get?

A new lease on life.

What did you want and not get?

I can’t think of a single thing…except my new website, but that is coming…

Who did you miss?

Wren and Kristen, Jessica, my family. 

Who was the best new person you met?

I met a lot of new people this year and they’re all my favourites.  And no, I am not just saying that.

• Baxter bought me new flannel pjs this year, which I opened early in order to be able to schlump around the house in them.  They are pink zebra stripe and were only $15 at Army and Navy, so they didn’t even break his little budget. 
• The Christmas newsletter that I started, oh, three weeks ago?  Isn’t done.  After the initial flurry of creativity, it died.  I will resurrect it to be a New Years Letter when all this hoopla is over, so look for it then. 
• I am officially ready for the big day – my gifts have all been sent to various parts of the country, I have things to bring to people I am visiting, my wine rack and snacky cupboard is stocked for Rock Star noshing (during the holidays I gravitate to a grazing-all-day type of eating on tiny portions, much like I imagine Rock Stars do)
• After my 3 clients this evening, I am finished coaching until 2012, AND I only have 8 more hours to do until I have all I need for accretidation.  I don’t even care if that was spelt right…
• Two more sleeps until I am in Victoria, sipping wine and watching Love, Actually with my dear Monica.  Ah.
• In my absence from the blog, I have been making plans for 2012 and beyond: I booked hotels for San Francisco in January, registered for a Leadership Program which will take me to California three times for retreats next year, I mapped out all the workshops and seminars I will run until the end of 2013 and blocked out three plus weeks for a trip to Thailand just over a year from now. 
• I went through a few weeks where I was sort of stuck on the idea of finding a new partner in my life, but that has faded, somewhat.  I still would like to share my big life with someone, but I am certainly not waiting until I do to carry on with any of my plans.  I just trust it will happen at some point, and plan to carry on my merry way.
• I am now one of those people who is planning a life overhaul as of January 1 – I have managed to put on some weight over the past year (I blame cheese, wine, certification, a knee injury, discovering that truffle oil is really, really good on, well, almost everything, and some good old fashioned laziness), and have plans to get rid of it.  If my knee has forgiven me for running the marathon earlier this year, we will be attempting a half in Ontario in the fall.  And flax?  Is my new friend.
• Baxter is going to the spa tomorrow in order to smell semi-lovely for all of our visiting this weekend.  You’re welcome.  Best $50 ever spent.
• I bought a cigar for myself for this coming weekend – a Cohiba #4.  After considerable research with Man, this was the one I found I liked the most.  I am looking forward to a thoughtful evening enjoying it with a glass of wine (I would have it with scotch, but I no longer have access to the selection Man has)
• Speaking of Man, we had a lovely little lunch together last week.  We exchanged gifts (he went WAY overboard, but that was fine with me!), and it was actually very fun.  He’s a funny guy, and I’ve missed getting to be around him.  It was fun to laugh about our happy memories and collectively forget the bad stuff that we’ve left behind.  We’re still a team, in some ways, and we’re working together at this new relationship we have.  Fourteen years of being Team Awesome is hard to just forget (and is somewhat impossible to do), and we both seem to be adjusting well. 
• I was watching a (dumb) show the other day where they walk new dog parents through choosing an appropriate puppy and (this why I even watched) this episode featured basset hound puppies (I’m sorry, but there is nothing cuter than a baby basset who has yet to grow into its ears).  The breeder talked about how this breed is happy and extremely friendly (which I know to be true), and also that they are extremely attached to their people.  This is something I *knew* but had kind of forgotten, but it’s true of Baxter, too.  He isn’t just my dog, I am his Person, and he is very tied to me.  It still breaks my heart to have stressed him with the separation and angst in our home last year, and it hammers it home so much more to remember his little perspective.  He went through some devastation, too, and has come out happy and well-adjusted, but it’s no surprise that he has bad days, too.  Aw.  Makes me love him even more.

I am not going to even pretend that I will be back here before the 25th, so I wish you all a very Merry Day this Sunday…I hope the fire is warm, and the company is inviting, and that amid all the wrapping paper and hoopla, that you experience some plain ol’ JOY for having a few days of festivities with those you love most, both near and far.  I will have his puppiness with me and will be doing just that.  Cheers!

So I stuck with what I used.  And it does.

I’ve had some adventures and misadventures this year in dating land; there was Mr. Dressup (who I hear has moved in with his new girlfriend and I hope they will be very happy, dressing up together), there was Mr. Condescending, and now there are plenty of people with whom to spend some time, but are stll lacking, considering I am really looking to be a part of a Team Awesome again.

I am on a few dating sites; one involves some fish (on which I barely have a profile – there is no photo, just the prompted information I was asked for, yet I still get a list of “matches” sent to me each week)(shake your head with me, folks), one involves a misguided cupid (with which I have had some success in the past but I still have my reservations), and the third is apparently matching me with people “at the deepest level” (this apparently means my deeepest level is calling out for portly old businessmen…)

So here are my observations:

• How, exactly does “Matching” based on an empty profile work?  This seems super scientific, indeed.
• As I’ve seen discussed in several places lately, it’s anonymous, which makes people lack a certain accountability.  People can ask inane questions and then run away (and I actually  picture that, much like ringing a doorbell and then dashing off into the night; they type quickly, then screech out of the room).  It leaves me puzzled.  Would you walk up to someone and say,  “Hi, yr hot.”  and walk away??  Do they honestly think that’s going to work?  It’s the online equivalent of whistling at someone as you drive by, hoping that they’re going to say “Oh, wow.  I really want to know more about that guy in the Mustang.  I better flag him down!”
• Grammar doesn’t matter.  And oh. It should.  I am not picky, I’d just like for people to use WORDS.  If I wanted to be texted with annoying shorthand, I would provide my number.
• People forget that we aren’t IN A BAR!  You can’t jump into my inbox and say “Hey” like you could in person.  Onlining it requires that you USE YOUR WORDS, Boys.
• People, with whom you share time and ideas and lengthy email exchanges, can just vanish.  This happened recently.  Although we had graduated from the site’s communication system to email (a good step, I thought), he still just vanished.  Perhaps he is stuck under something heavy.
• If someone asks me one more time which sport I coach, I am going to lose my shit.
• It gives people who are punching waaaay out of their weight class an opportunity to get in your space (case in point: Mr. Dressup).
• The user names? Gah.  So pleased to see that “LurkerDave” checked me out.  I’d be discouraged if it didn’t give me such great comedic material.
• It’s too tempting to be sarcastic, or to say what I really think.  For example: I had one message months ago that simply said, “Hey, howr you?”  I normally would have completely ignored that, but I was feeling particularly punchy and instead replied with “Really?  Really?  Are you serious?  You expect to engage me in a conversation with THAT?  Did you even READ my profile?  I’M FINE.”
• I have to constanly have my wit on – it’s tiring.  It doesn’t seem to ever be simple.  I am looking for the wearing-sweats equivalent to dating.
• No one ever seems to want to meet.  We can email and email for centuries,  (despite my rule about not replying to anyone whose profile shots are all taken with a webcam – it makes me doubt that they’ve ever been outdoors) and it makes me wonder if these boys ever LEAVE their apartments.  If I don’t feel a spark, I would like to know before I spend hours crafting correspondence to you!
• What ever happended to old-fashioned dating?  Before the internet?  Does anyone remember?
• I’ve said this before, and I will say it again: I do not require intimate photos of you in order to be interested.  We all assume everyone has the appropriate equipment.  It is not necessary for me to see it prior to meeting.  If we actually meet.
• It takes a lot of time – I barely have time to communicate with people that have already decided they like me.
• It’s like a long and tedious job interview, and sometimes you don’t ever even find out if you got the job or not.
• If there IS to be a meeting, then there’s a whole new sort of crazy-making: lots of effort – hair washing, outfit picking, makeup applying etc.  And the angst.  Hoy.   I’m a pretty confident chick, and know this is a numbers game and that my worth isn’t hinged on whether some dude also thinks I’m fabulous, blah, blah, blah – but it’s still a little stinky of Rejection when you get all gussied up and it falls flat.  Or he shushes you in a coffee shop. That was a big, fat indicator that it won’t be going too far; he was a Quiet Talker (I had to lean waaaay in to even SORT OF hear him (and truthfully just ended up nodding a lot – I couldn’t tell you half of what he said), and when I spoke quite normally (at low Tara Volume), he looked horrified that I was sharing personal information so loudly in a coffee shop (!)(the horrors) and SHUSHED ME.  Yup.  We’re all done here.

Oh, yes.  It’s funny. Isn’t it?  It’s hilarious.  Well I’m here to tell you this is what dating is like now.  What walks on the beach were in the mid 90′s has been replaced with being “easygoing and outdoorsy” and it’s exhausting.  My flatulent Basset is looking better all the time.

If you are a fan and were hoping to stay up to date, I hope you’ve been using your imagination.

What have I done?  Well..

• I hade a date with Nate.  He’s 8-ish months old and we had a fantastic time.  Baxter fell a little bit in love with him and so did I.  He refused to sleep, and the bottle was EVIL, but we had a great time, and it was lovely to see that his parents did, too. 
• I finished my certification program.  Aside from actual coaching and freaking out about my oral exam in April, I am done and will have much more time now for sleeping, writing, and making meals. 
• Helped some dear friends move across the country from me.  I used to have a cat who would unpack my suitcase as I packed it (cute, but I HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH!), and I did consider pulling the same trick as I “helped” but thought better of it.  Suffice it to say I miss them, I get to whine about it a lot, and they seem to be setting in well.  Their pumishment for moving is freezingness.  Ha.
• Got my hair did – too much was cut off and I seem to be growing it back at less than my super quick pace (honestly, I think I can grow my hair by thinking about it), but it’s snazzy.
• Baxter had a bath and smelled good for approximately 31 hours.  It was nice while it lasted.  He has another date at the spa just prior to visiting other (non-dog) people’s houses for Christmas.
• I found a new massage therapist and left my appointment feeling muscle drunk.  Can’t wait to go back.
• Beer Boy made me lots of yummy food. 
• I went to Whistler for a weekend and had a Double Down.  I now think about them so much that I am troubled.
• I socialized as much as I could.
• I coached, and coached, and when I thought I was done, I coached some more.  I love coaching.
• Went to Maek It! Vancouver and bought stuff – I would love to say I got lots of my Christmas shopping done, but I actually just bought a lot of stuff for myself and a few gifts.  I’m my own Santa this year, so I was just preparing.
• I got my shit together to get divorced: statements collected, taxes filed (WEEE!), appointments made….we’re almost there
• Went to the Apple store to get help with Dick the Laptop – updates will be made, and iPhoto library has been RECOVERED!
• Worked pretty hard at work – lots going on in Retail Land.

Sorry to have dropped off the earth for a month – I’m back, baby, and it’s the SUMMER OF GEORGE!

Stay tuned for riveting tales as they occur, and by that I mean more stories that are perfectly suited for bedtime reading!

xo

t

• I shot a gun for the first time this past Friday.  It was a 9mm Baretta (?)(is that the the proper name of a gun?)(shit.)(I can’t remember)(I do know it was 9mm)(Wren?)
• Wow, it was fun!  I had a Groupon thing to use, so I took my friend Wren (semi-retired police dude) with me.  Turns out the coupon was good for every day BUT Friday, but we went anyway.  It just means I get to go again.  And I get points on my visa.
• Turns out I am REALLY good at shooting a paper human!  I managed to hit the heart/head/whatever I was aiming for most times.
• Turns out gun safety?  Very important.  If you get all Charlie’s Angels with it, you get scolded.  Don’t take it personally, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re waving your gun around like Drew Bloody Barrymore (or Jacqueline Smith if you are old like me and remember the original) and could kill someone.
• Shooting in real life is very different than on TV.  Two hands are totally required to get a kill shot.
• Will you just LISTEN to me???
• I am by no means a fast shooter – it took me a looong time (sorry Wren)(I think I must have aged you in the process) to line things up, but the holes in my Mr. Osama Bin Laden target were proof again that slow and steady wins the race.  Rarrrrh!
• I went to a Halloween Party on the weekend and had waaaay too much fun.
• I was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.
• If LIttle Red Riding Hood had a fair bit of cleavage.
• Who KNEW?
• Turns out I can be entertaining when I’ve had a few shots of tequila.
• It occurs to me that people might mean “a total pain in the ass” when they say “entertaining,” but I am going to choose the former, or the latter, or the one where I’m awesome.
• Baxter is doing well.  He’s a tad put off by the fireworks here in our little warzone neighborhood tonight, but otherwise quite happy.
• I have discovered a new radio station that I LOVE – great NEW songs, fun old ones, and very little of the pop slop that gets repeated over and over and over and over….on other stations.
• I now own stock in iTunes from downloading new yummy songs from the above station (and can I say?  Shazam has changed my life)(Shazam is an app)(on my iPhone, for all you BB people)(I’m sure there’s a version for you, but it might not be quite as awesome)
• I celebrated Thanksgiving a couple of times and had too much food.
• Man, am I really writing about THANKSGIVING?
• Wow, I’m QUITE the blogger.
• I still miss my friend Jessica tremendously.  I think of her several times a day, and sometimes I have to remind myself that she’s really gone.  I don’t know that it will ever seem real and that I won’t tell myself that she’s just on a really awesome vacation she’d rub my nose in when she got back from.
• My Grampa passed away on this day in 1988.  Seems like forever ago and like it was just yesterday.  I miss you Gramps.  Pull a prank on Jessica for me; she’ll love it.
• As life ends, it also marches on.  I keep learning about myself and learning to let people into me, and also to let them go as they need to and also realizing that perhaps this is all for a reason.
• This is a separate post, methinks.  It will be about things that make me cry a little.  Wine will be required.
• My dear friend Chester (cute-cheffy-bacon-beer-boy) is part of an exciting new project: his food cart company, Re-Up, is opening a restaurant at the Westminster Quay early next year.
• He’s looking for investors and you can totally get on board for just $500 (I probably will)(you get free bacon)(and free Re-Up food)(seems like a no-brainer)(and maybe my new accountant can write it off)(but only if it’s legal)
• Steve Jobs died, and my computer went to shit.
• All my photos vanished (even the 487 of them from Montana this summer)
• iTunes didn’t work (Man’s info kept coming up on mine, I couldn’t update ANYTHING), and all my information came up on his BRAND NEW account (he had to ditch the old when it became permanently disabled).
• All I can say is it’s a damn good thing we’re so friendly.
• As he put it, if he were a knife wielding madman and I was hiding from him, it would have been super convenient to log into iTunes and be given my brand new address.
• Instead, he just wrote me a funny email about it that made me happy I have HIM as my ex and not anyone else.
• I still like him tons and I think it’s a good sign that I think of him fondly all the time but still stand solidly in my happy life wherein I will land with someone else at some point.
• And speaking of online dating: WTF?
• It’s been a bit yucky, so far.
• Maybe my match will jump in front of my car and I won’t have to bother with any of this dressing up and making a good impression.  It’s exhausting.  To know me is to know I live in my sweats.
• What I lack in frequency of blog posts, I make up for in content.  Right?

My dear friend, co-worked and client passed away very suddenly over the weekend, and we are all picking up the pieces of what is left – I feel like the big Kool Aid guy walked through me and left a giant hole behind.  I am quitely processing right now, alternating between calling friends to just be near and comfort me, weeping in the backyard under the stars and hoping she knows how acutely she is missed, eating a lot of goat cheese and chocolate (not together — that would just be weird) and moping about listening to Nina Simone.  I even walked the dog in my pajama pants the other day.  Yes, this is what grief has done.  I will likely write more about my beautiful friend in this space when the wounds and shock aren’t so new.  For now, I will do what she may have liked and talk about my weekend and the things that are making me smile.

Like a certain flatulent Basset Hound. 

Baxter came with me to Kamloops this past weekend and was the life of the party.  Friday night, he hogged the bed and snored then woke me up at 6am to pee.  Saturday, he was entertaining and a perfect guest, save for the room-clearing ass air he was passing.  Seriously.  What do I feed him?  We’ve had some “loud and proud’ ones lately, which are kind of hilarious.  But these?  Were EPIC.  We finally came up with a genius accessory for him while playing a before-bed board game:

We had a photo shoot of head shots and family shots with the uh-mazing Lisa from Aspect Arts Photography and I am so looking forward to seeing what she did.   Uh, Lisa?  Soon?  Not to rush your art….

And then there’s the fruit flies.

It has been a heated debate, the getting rid of these little buggers.  I tried several traps this summer – bottle with coke in it, shallow dish with apple cider vinegar, soap and whatever else stupid Google recommended…I think I caught ONE fly.  I keep ALL produce in the fridge, I wash dishes like I have OCD, I avoid cooking (well, perhaps that wasn’t about fruit flies and I was just lazy), and I spend a lot of time yelling in frustration.  I put it out to Facebook and got LOADS of advice.  Last week, I set two traps: another fruit juice and soap in a shallow dish with plastic wrap thingy, and also a mason jar filled with rotty fruit (waaay overripe banana) equipped with a cone/funnel thing (this method would allow me to “set them free” outside, but let’s be honest, I’m going for casualties here, so that didn’t matter a lick to me).

The shallow dish caught about 12 or so over the weekend. 

The cone-in-the-mason-jar dealy (I should also note the cone was affixed to the jar with band-aids, as I apparently am the only person on the planet who does not own a single roll of tape) caught BILLIONS.  It’s a bit disgusting, because while they are IN the jar (trapped – MWAH-HA-HA!), they are also loitering about the OUTSIDE of the trap and further grossing me out.  Please see Exhibit A:

They also seem to (still) congregate on my cabinet doors (even though they only contain dishes), so I have taken to madly spraying them with Windex, all Greek Wedding-style, and gleefully smashing them with wads of paper towel. 

The battle continues.  Shouldn’t they all be gone soon?!?!?  Please tell me that Fall is when they all wither and die?

So.  Grieving.  Fast week. Farting.  Fruit Flies.   You’re all caught up.  You’re welcome.

Friday – Dinner and lapdancing class with girlfriends

Saturday – coaching work extravaganza (workshop brainstorm for 2012 sessions, website writing and planning, writing of collateral and products, long-term visioning….etc etc), Blue Rodeo concert in the evening.

Sunday – sleep in, attend Birthday Party, appointment with client, work some more, prepare for the week ahead

Aaaand here’s what I actually did:

Friday – Quick, gobbled-up dinner.  Attended lap dancing class - it was so much fun, and who knew what a workout it would be to slither around a chair and on the floor in heels?? 

Saturday - I slept in later than I probably have in a year, stumbled into kitchen and discovered that there was zero cream for my coffee.  Decided to walk whining dog to nearby Starbucks for emergency Venti Dark, got 2 blocks from home and the dog was gasping for breath in the heat.  Turned around.  Considered walking to store for cream, then got distracted by dirty dishes the Maid hadn’t yet washed.  Got inspired and took spare key to neighbor’s house (they were away) and stole the remaining creamer from their fridge.  Made coffee and breakfast/lunch.  Realized with dismay that it was already 1pm and that I had only 5 hours until I was picking up my date for the concert.  I started to do some reading on the sofa, made a few notes, then when my eyes started to feel heavy, I decided to take a nap.  Set alarm for 30 minutes and crashed.  Woke up with alarm, shut it off, then went back to sleep for another hour.  Or so.  Half-assed looked at the clock and considered getting up.  Dozed for a few more minutes.  Rose with some panic when I remembered my bed was not made, and was, in fact, covered in clothes that needed to be put away.  Also realized I wanted to shower and pretty up for concert.  Answered a phone call that began with “HO-LY SHIT.” which prompted much hysterical laughing and lengthy (but yummy!) debriefing of “Holy Shit” Event.  Showered, raced around, got ready, went to concert…blah, blah, blah.  Do I have a plan for 2012?  Did I cinch up all my web copy? Did I brainstorm, well, anything, beyond “What position should I sleep in next?” Is my homework done?  The answers to all of these is NO.  (Unless you consider that perhaps I dreamt about brainstorming while napping)(I am pretty certain I did not)

Sunday – slept WAY in, went for breakfast, raced with Baxter to Birthday Party in White Rock, got groceries, arrived home in time for coaching call, then sat on ass on sofa watching recorded television and editing a document for Day Job.  Again.  No joy on the coaching work. 

The lesson of the weekend (and gawd, this post is even boring ME) is that as much as I want to get done and think I will be super productive, I simply have to listen to my body when it’s tired.  I can’t make myself work when what I really want is downtime.  Case in point is the last, like, 30 Wednesday nights: I always think I’m going to finish my coaching calls then get to work, and then I usually end up napping on the sofa at 9:30, thinking I’ll wake up and work afterward.  Clearly, I am diluded, or just doing too much.

I have also been failing on the Taking Photos Front.  Here’s the lone proof that I even had a weekend:

I was working on a bunch of coachy stuff tonight, fighting with iPhoto on breaks, and sorting through the 900 or so (oh, yes! you’d think I was a National Geographic pro with what I shot of that trip!) photos, and came across a bit of a trend. See, I have an iPhone (oh, I love me my little appliances that start with “i”!) and when you (or perhaps I should preface this with saying “when I turn on the camera, because I don’t know that everyone is quite as ready for mensa as I am here) turn on the camera, it sometimes defaults to pointing at YOU, so you can take a self-portrait or one of those arm-stretched-out jobbies that I am known for. A few times this summer, I have gone to take a photo and then inadvertently taken a photo of my own puzzled face as I realize that the camera is pointing at me.

Cases in point:

At a small gas station in Montana, trying to get a shot of the group of bugs on the grill of the car.

*Some* of the bugs. I didn't seem to even capture what I wanted to AFTER figuring out the camera.

Last night at dinner, trying to take a photo of the wine bottle from which I had ONE glass of wine.

The wine in question - it was so yummy, I had to record it to show a certain sommelier I know.

Please tell me that I’m not the only one who has a gallery of these shots (and there are more, I chose to spare myself the Big order of daffy, in favor of the Appy Size).

In addition to enjoying some wine last night with a positively perfect dinner at Divino Wine Bar with the delectable Kirsten, I had a few insights through our conversation (I always do)(I *heart* Kirsten) that have me up far past my bedtime in order to brainstorm some workshop ideas. Among them, the notion that men are seemingly limited to a range of emotion that women have full access to. Think about it; women can approach any situation with anything from tears to unbridled aggression, or anything in between. Men, it would seem, are limited to a relatively small scope of the same spectrum in order to perhaps preserve image or masculinity.

We spoke about men that we know with children (her husband included), and the tenderness and sweetness they show them in their role as a father.

How different our world would be if that same tenderness and compassion showed up in boardrooms and in life.

I know that some of the men I admire most are vulnerable and present and authentic with their children. They excuse themselves to read stories; they kiss boo boos and carry sleepy toddlers back to bed. I think of my brother, the successful lawyer, late to arrive somewhere, on a frantic search to find the EXACT pink purse my niece wants to take to the park (she’s only 4), and I love that in that moment, he is the most authentic he can be. There is something magical about that intimacy and vulnerability that can be brought out in men that they get to explore if they allow it.

I don’t know exactly what this looks like yet in terms of a workshop, but it’s cooking.

Let’s hope I can design this better than I can take a photo with my iPhone.