Dog Day Afternoon

I love it when the sun comes out for a shine…I returned home from my morning out and as usual, Baxter bounded outside like he was being freed from prison (a prison, I would like noted, that includes the use of a comfy sofa and a pile of toys that would make a 6 month-old look deprived).  When I looked out a few minutes later to check on him, I found some impromptu sunbathing going on…

I did not place this ear in this position...he landed that way.

Quite the life.

Must get all the angles.

He is a little teacher: soak in the sun while it’s out, and grab onto whatever joy you can find.  I think I’ll take his cue and find some time to be out in the garden this afternoon.

More TP. More time.

Image courtesy of candidlyred.blogspot.com (thanks Kristen - your blog is boo-tee-ful!)

I’ve been in a pretty grateful place these past few weeks; self-employment is fitting me very well so far.  I wanted to share a (partial) list of all that is filling my thankful tank, of late, and also note some observations from this side of things.

Grateful:

Baxter.  You knew he’d be on this list.  He’s proven, again and again, that he is a trusty little companion and that he holds a lot of the cards in this operation of ours.  His routine is largely the same, but when he is home with me, I can tell he’s grateful, too, for more time with me and more belly rubs.  We both had some huge Puppy Joy earlier tonight when we ventured out around dusk for a walk.  He tried to cross the street without me and stepped off the curb.  As I called him back, with the leash more that taut, he got a very stubborn look on his face, planted his tree-trunk feet, and leaned away from me, refusing to move as he looked away.  I couldn’t figure out what was so thrilling on the opposite side of the road, but perhaps he was like the chicken and just wanted to get to the other side.  In any case, I won that particular argument with some full-body-weight-tugs and for that I think he was happy, because we did end up at THE PARK! (that’s how he says it)  In a stroke of genius, I had thought to grab a ball on our way out, so in the park down the street, where it is partially fenced, I removed his leash (a huge risk if you know bassets) and we played Baxter’s version of fetch, where he gleefully romps after the ball and returns it a few times, until he is tired, then he starts to simply stop it so that I can come pick it up while he sniffs the grass.  I was laughing with him as he ran and played and it was utter joy.  He is a sweet little soul and I am thankful for him every day.

Friends.  Far and near, I am feeling the love.  From just upstairs to all the way from Ontario.  I lean on everyone and remember that it takes a village to run my practice and my life.  I am so humbled by all of it; the confidence in me, the referrals of clients, the acknowledgment I get for all that I am doing.  I am a lucky girl.  And with the passing of another birthday a few weeks ago and sudden time to reconnect with old friends came the inevitable calculating of time that I have known people – for some it’s more than 15 years.  It’s a beautiful thing to think I have a whole football team worth of people who could be references for me on my passport.

Wine.  Always.

The coaching community I work in.  I was in a room this past weekend with more than 100 other coaches, and I am still puffed up from the energy and potential in that room.  It makes me clutch at my heart and blink away tears to know that we all support each other as we take on changing the world.

iDevices.  And my notebook (that I actually write in)(with an actual pen).  I have my phone for when I’m on the road.  I have an iPad for coffee shops and working on the sofa or anywhere that isn’t my office, and I have my laptop (used as a desktop) IN my office.  I never feel uninspired or far from being able to make things happen.  I also relish turning all of these devices OFF and just disappearing for awhile.

Time.  I have more of it.  I never have to be racing anywhere anymore.  I am sure this won’t always be the case, but for now, I am enjoying it.  My days are filled with meetings and appointments and delicious *space*, but I never feel panic or get resentful that I am only one person with too much to handle.  I have had to set an alarm twice since I left my job, and both times I woke up on my own before it even went off.  It’s making me trust that my body knows when to do things without me telling it.

Progress.  My website is growing, and it now has a blog (oh help us, I have TWO of these things now).  Contacts are being made, copy is getting written, seminars are being planned.  It’s happening.  Whoa.

My clients.  They make me excited, they fill me with awe.  I am always excited to get time with each of them and hear what they are discovering.

The Men in my life.  Some are friends and some are more than that, and some fit somewhere in the middle.  They remind me that I am strong, use the word “gorgeous” to describe me, and remind me that my match is out there somewhere and worth waiting for.  Funny, as I was typing, the word “waiting” auto-corrected to “eating”…that’s a funny thing.  I wondered what all this eating was for!

And now some observations:

• I go through more toilet paper now that I am home more.  Not something I registered would happen.
• My apathy around cooking for myself has not gone away with all the time I now have.  I shop like I will cook, but I don’t.  I still often have a giant hunk of cheese and a glass of wine for dinner.
• My office is always on the verge of chaos; it’s like it breathes.  I can’t just dump things on my desk now, or I won’t be able to use it.  A clear (ish) desk inspires me.
• My apartment is really, really small.  I will post a tour of my home office sometime, just so you can see all that needs to reside IN IT: bins of dog food, bins of craft supplies, ALL MY CLOTHES, various pieces of miscellany from the rest of the house.  It’s a feat of engineering to work here.
• There is very little reason to get out of jammies some days, but I always do so that I feel like one of the humans.
• Baxter sleeps approximately 22 hours of the day.  I’ve been here to witness it in person.
• Despite having all this time and space I rave about, I still really, really want a maid.  Being self-employed has not made me any neater or care more about dust.

With that, it is time to power down all the iDevices, make a cup of tea and do some relaxing.

Make it great day…

t

Bullets are Faster

Biz.  Zey.  Tomorrow is NOVEMBER.  Not sure if anyone noticed that, but there it is.  That means the official end of certification (at least the part where I get up at 6am on Wednesdays) will be over in 5 weeks.  I am planning a party as soon as I come up for air.  Send me your clever ideas for a celebration.  Gifts are totally and completely welcome.  I am now not one of those people who will refuse gifts.  I deserve them.

In other news:

• I shot a gun for the first time this past Friday.  It was a 9mm Baretta (?)(is that the the proper name of a gun?)(shit.)(I can’t remember)(I do know it was 9mm)(Wren?)
• Wow, it was fun!  I had a Groupon thing to use, so I took my friend Wren (semi-retired police dude) with me.  Turns out the coupon was good for every day BUT Friday, but we went anyway.  It just means I get to go again.  And I get points on my visa.
• Turns out I am REALLY good at shooting a paper human!  I managed to hit the heart/head/whatever I was aiming for most times.
• Turns out gun safety?  Very important.  If you get all Charlie’s Angels with it, you get scolded.  Don’t take it personally, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re waving your gun around like Drew Bloody Barrymore (or Jacqueline Smith if you are old like me and remember the original) and could kill someone.
• Shooting in real life is very different than on TV.  Two hands are totally required to get a kill shot.
• Will you just LISTEN to me???
• I am by no means a fast shooter – it took me a looong time (sorry Wren)(I think I must have aged you in the process) to line things up, but the holes in my Mr. Osama Bin Laden target were proof again that slow and steady wins the race.  Rarrrrh!
• I went to a Halloween Party on the weekend and had waaaay too much fun.
• I was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.
• If LIttle Red Riding Hood had a fair bit of cleavage.
• Who KNEW?
• Turns out I can be entertaining when I’ve had a few shots of tequila.
• It occurs to me that people might mean “a total pain in the ass” when they say “entertaining,” but I am going to choose the former, or the latter, or the one where I’m awesome.
• Baxter is doing well.  He’s a tad put off by the fireworks here in our little warzone neighborhood tonight, but otherwise quite happy.
• I have discovered a new radio station that I LOVE – great NEW songs, fun old ones, and very little of the pop slop that gets repeated over and over and over and over….on other stations.
• I now own stock in iTunes from downloading new yummy songs from the above station (and can I say?  Shazam has changed my life)(Shazam is an app)(on my iPhone, for all you BB people)(I’m sure there’s a version for you, but it might not be quite as awesome)
• I celebrated Thanksgiving a couple of times and had too much food.
• Man, am I really writing about THANKSGIVING?
• Wow, I’m QUITE the blogger.
• I still miss my friend Jessica tremendously.  I think of her several times a day, and sometimes I have to remind myself that she’s really gone.  I don’t know that it will ever seem real and that I won’t tell myself that she’s just on a really awesome vacation she’d rub my nose in when she got back from.
• My Grampa passed away on this day in 1988.  Seems like forever ago and like it was just yesterday.  I miss you Gramps.  Pull a prank on Jessica for me; she’ll love it.
• As life ends, it also marches on.  I keep learning about myself and learning to let people into me, and also to let them go as they need to and also realizing that perhaps this is all for a reason.
• This is a separate post, methinks.  It will be about things that make me cry a little.  Wine will be required.
• My dear friend Chester (cute-cheffy-bacon-beer-boy) is part of an exciting new project: his food cart company, Re-Up, is opening a restaurant at the Westminster Quay early next year.
• He’s looking for investors and you can totally get on board for just $500 (I probably will)(you get free bacon)(and free Re-Up food)(seems like a no-brainer)(and maybe my new accountant can write it off)(but only if it’s legal)
• Steve Jobs died, and my computer went to shit.
• All my photos vanished (even the 487 of them from Montana this summer)
• iTunes didn’t work (Man’s info kept coming up on mine, I couldn’t update ANYTHING), and all my information came up on his BRAND NEW account (he had to ditch the old when it became permanently disabled).
• All I can say is it’s a damn good thing we’re so friendly.
• As he put it, if he were a knife wielding madman and I was hiding from him, it would have been super convenient to log into iTunes and be given my brand new address.
• Instead, he just wrote me a funny email about it that made me happy I have HIM as my ex and not anyone else.
• I still like him tons and I think it’s a good sign that I think of him fondly all the time but still stand solidly in my happy life wherein I will land with someone else at some point.
• And speaking of online dating: WTF?
• It’s been a bit yucky, so far.
• Maybe my match will jump in front of my car and I won’t have to bother with any of this dressing up and making a good impression.  It’s exhausting.  To know me is to know I live in my sweats.
• What I lack in frequency of blog posts, I make up for in content.  Right?

Have a great November – I hope I’m back before next month.

Weekend of Nothing

You know what I didn’t do this weekend?  Much of anything.

In true Tara fashion, my version of “nothing” still meant I walked the dog until he was gasping in the heat (he doesn’t like the sun and functions best when it’s cold and dry – so close to the ground he is), triumphantly mowing the lawn all by myself (I started it up just like a lumberjack), seeing several friends for dinner, grocery shopping, and spending a day cooking.  In my jammies.

It was amazeballs awesome.  I loved every minute.

Aside from it being the first long weekend in THREE HUNDRED YEARS (or something like that), it was also the first completely single, unattached and free weekend I think I may have ever had.  I wasn’t staging a house, running for a ferry, packing, crying, unpacking, entertaining or doing anything I didn’t absolutely want to be doing, and I could not be happier.  Well, if I had another day off, I could possibly eek out a smidge more, but I’m happy all the same.

Here’s some photographic joy from the chick who never remembers to bring the camera anywhere (they’re all in the apartment or the back yard):

Thursday evening - smooches on the sofa

Aloof and unwilling subject

Sun bathing

Enjoying the mowed lawn - terrified of the mower when parked, but lazed on the grass and could easily have been mowed over...silly boy.

This weekend was brought to you by the Cactus Club (Thursday with Jenn and Christine and our mini-Sedin eye candy), Sarah (roast chicken and taboulleh (sp?) which I have re-created for myself, it was so good!), Erin, Martin, Baby Max and Maria (roast turkey and fixins’ (no VEGGIES!! HA!)) and my flannel pj’s.

Hope you all had fun, too.

Life

It occurs to me that I am not expected to come up with exciting content for this space like I am everywhere else I have to write, but that most of my “readers” (all 3 of you – thanks Mom!) are simply checking in to hear what I’m up to, have a little laugh at my expense, and be able to take a breather from the important Facebook surfing we all do.  Yes, admit it, you do it, too.

So here’s what I’ve been up to, in handy bite-sized bullets that you can enjoy while you watch TV:

• writing zombie Haikus with my new fridge magnet set.  The Captain bought me a set of 200 magnetized words about zombies earlier this week, and I have spent an astounding amount of time composing ridiculous 17-syllable poems about flesh eating chases.  It’s fun.  Over the past year, I have become quite nearly obsessed with impending zombie apocalypses (even though, for the life of me, I can NOT pronounce that word without sounding like I am making a bowl of popcorn in my mouth)  And I haven’t even attempted to do so after a couple of glasses of wine.  Yet.  In any case, zombies are things I think about, so much so that I am considering talking to my landlord about the lack of escape options from my apartment, particularly if they are the fast-moving sort.  Forget being able to escape from a fire, I am not interested in becoming zombie food.
• not running as much as I should be.  My right knee is, oh, a bit screwed.  I am downing glucosamine-whatever like Pez, I rested, I stretch, I ice, I rub, I whine, I wine.  It doesn’t feel nice, and I’m guessing that in a few weeks that 42k won’t, either, but I persevere.  Even if I have to half-crawl that marathon, I will do it.  It will make for a crazy improvement in my PB on my NEXT one, so it’s all good.  I am still gathering donations, and will be until May 30th (perhaps some of you need to know I have finished the damn thing before handing over your cash).  Please contact me and I will take your money.  The offer still stands that if you gather TEN donations for me (you might know richer people than I do) that I WILL TAKE YOU OUT FOR DINNER. See?  I’m awesome that way.
• hanging out with The Captain.  I will post photos when I think to find the cord, download them to my computer etc, etc, but suffice it to say, I am dating Dress-Up Guy.  He has outfits that he plans and executes and orders pieces for, and while all this is a little foreign to me, it’s fun to see what he comes up with.  The latest addition is a kilt in his family tartan, and I must say it looks FAB.  We’ve been getting up to all sorts of things and it’s all Fun and Games and Eating.  He’s also brought out some sort of fashionista in ME, and that’s been fun to explore, as well.
• embracing being a Dog Mummy.  Yes, I have been Baxter’s Mum for nearly 7 years, but now that it’s pretty much the 2 of us as a constant, our closeness has reached a new level that I quite like.  I can’t even explain how much I love that little dude.  I tell him every night (as I get on his pillow with him for a good-night belly rub) that I love him the most; that no one in the whole world loves him more than I do.  This little ritual is special to both of us.  Others are free to love him, but no one ever will more than me.
• coaching.  Certification is coming, I have a small roster of clients lined up, and I feel like I’m hitting some kind of groove. Sure, my website STILL isn’t finished, but I am realizing that maybe that doesn’t matter as much as I think, although, let’s be clear, it will be done at some point prior to June 1.
• getting rich.  I now have a Financial Planner, her name is Connor Brodie (just ASK me how awesome she is and I will talk and talk for days!), and she has drawn up a money plan for me that has me downright excited and saving surprisingly little as I get my coaching practice off the ground (PHEW!  I hate saving!)  As someone who doesn’t think about this stuff beyond just wanting to know I have Enough, I am suddenly very Invested (pun totally intended) in my financial future.  I thought I would have to have High Finance already in order for someone like Connor to help me, but that wasn’t so – she handles whatever money stuff you’ve got (or don’t). She and I are planning a VERY expensive trip to Italy in a few years, to which we’ve both allocated FIVE FIGURES for shopping.  For shoes.  And really good pizza.  We both plan to power-diet before stepping on the plan so as to be at a size deficit.  We have a plan.  See?  Amazing.
• not cooking.  I still manage to make eggs, but I leave a lot of the cooking to The Captain, even when he is in my kitchen at 10:30 making (yummy) soft tacos and it seems way to late to eat.  I do okay at filling the food hole, so you need not worry, I am not about to fade away to nothing.  Unlike Baxter, who would have you believe that he is deprived and starved and beaten and that you should immediately call the SPCA on his behalf.  Trust me.  He eats JUST fine.

If you think I am leading an ultra-exciting-hold-on-to-your-panties life here, you might be a little off.  I’m just live a life.  It’s big, and I love it, but it’s pretty level and even and perfect.  Finally.

Have a great weekend.  Let me know what you’ve been up to.  Send me your donations.

Cute, at least

I really have no idea what to write about, but strangely HERE I AM.  Drawn like Basset Hound to a tiny crumb of Milk Bone in the crack of a floor, forever obsessing and unable to walk away.  Perhaps I should write that I got up super early this morning, had some breakfast (2 eggs, over easy, with Irish Soda Bread toast from Uprising Bakery — yumm), then fell asleep again on the sofa.  What woke me up was my own snoring about an hour later.  Yes, it’s glamorous to be me.

Or I could mention that when I did poo patrol (for you non-pet people, this doesn’t refer to anything I do with my own poop…it’s the delightful daily ritual of picking up after Baxter) I used a bag that had a hole in the the bottom of it, which negated the very use for the bag at all.  It was 34 kinds of awesome to shriek as I ran back into the house to use several different smelly soaps on my hands.

It was also very Tara-ish last Thursday night: I was waiting for a coaching client to call, and had to talk to Man about a few things, so I quickly called him.  Our convesation was interrupted by my smoke alarm, which goes off for both myself and the upstairs people when either of us sets it off.  I endured the noise and waited for it to go away, remarking to Man that in the 2 months I had been there, I had only heard it go off twice.  Then it kept going, and going, and going.  I laughed it off, thinking that dinner was likely burnt upstairs.  Then I started to wonder…maybe there WAS a fire!  I stepped out of my office and saw the candle I had lit some time earlier, directly under the smoke detector…completely brilliant.  When I ran into my neighbor from upstairs last night, we both had a big ol’ laugh at our mutual antics that night as we apologized to each other for various noise violations we thought we had inflicted on each other.  She had been waving tea towels trying to get it to stop, when it was me the whole time. 

I will also mention that I am getting reacquainted with napping, and it feels really, really good.  Baxter is an eager buddy for this particular activity and we bond over it whenever we can.

My door only locks with a deadbolt (there is no latching door knob on my door), and I leave my keys in the door ALL the time.  When I am running around like a rabid, headless chicken in the mornings, frantically searching for my keys, it never occurs to me to check the door, but that is indeed where they usually are.  Criminals: come on over, it’s wide open and I’ll even leave some cookies out for you!

I put some dinner in the oven last night (Mandarin Orange Chicken from Trader Joe’s — yumm), waited and waited and waited, then when I went to check if it was almost ready, I realized I had neglected to turn the oven on.  The sad part?  This happens All.  The.  Time.

Also noteworthy is that I am the worst daughter and friend, EVAR.  I don’t call, I don’t respond or make plans to see anyone.  I am overdue for several catch-up dinners and have resorted to scheduling phone calls like I do coaching appointments.  I carry on with what I’m doing and sneak in occasional naps when I am supposed to be phoning my Mum (sorry…sad trumpet).   I keep double and triple booking my time before realizing that there is only one of me, and that the only way the silly calendar in the iPhone works is to, you know, PUT STUFF INTO IT. 

So apologies to everyone.  I can’t seem to remember to stay awake, turn on the oven (or off, for that matter)(I always wonder why the house is getting so hot, strip off some layers, then remember I was baking something 3 HOURS AGO), place candles away from FIRE DETECTORS (gah!),  pick up shit without touching it (!)(also, sadly, not the first time this happened), or have the sense to find my own keys in the lock where I left them more than 14 hours earlier.  I won’t even tell you how I lose my car in parking lots pretty much every week…Mum, let’s make an appointment soon.

Day 2: #Reverb10

The prompt:

Writing.  What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing – and can you eliminate it.

My answer:

I tend to overthink, and that stops me in my tracks from getting the words out.  I don’t keep it simple, I turn it into a stupid Algebraic math problem.  If I just sat, and wrote the crap, all would be well.  I used to do something called Morning Pages, where I’d grab my notebook and just fearlessly write until 3 pages were full and my mind was overflowing with morning thoughts – I think I might try to go back to that, at least a few times a week.

There.

–

In other news, Man and I are officially heading to split. 

Initially I felt relieved that a decision was made and I could stop trying to avoid the tiny voice in my head that kept telling me it was over, then I felt a lot of shock and a resulting insane euphoria, then as I cruised through nearly a bottle of wine, then I sobbed, and sobbed until I finally fell asleep.  The dog insisted on hanging out with me on the bed last night while I did all this, and I think there was a reason he ended up staying the whole night.  I needed his warm little body and to realize it’s bigger than my pain.

Done.  And it’s okay.  I am owning it, and living it, and I am going to be a thousand percent okay.  One day.

Coming Clean

Way back when, in some fit of blogging enthusiasm, I came up with daily topics to write under.  Now we all know I don’t write here daily, and sometimes I do write and it just *happens* to fall in line with the theme I gave that particular day.  Mostly it doesn’t.  Today is “Face the Music Monday” and it was a shout-out to how diets always re-begin on Mondays, after a weekend of overindulging; a recommitment to health.  Again. 

Today, it’s a bit different. 

There’s been stuff going on that I have been keeping to myself, and it’s time to Face the Music, so to speak, and make it public.  I want to do this not to ellicit sympathy, but to make it real for myself and hopefully make it a part of how I will process this and make some forward steps.  I am also insanely sick of putting on a happy face all the time, while my brain churns and I fight back tears.  I am honest and clear and naked with the rest of my life, it seems that I should be the same with this.  I’m learning that there are good days and bad days, and good hours and bad hours, and that I can get through them all.  I am quite amazing that way.

After 14 years together, Man and I are separating, at least for awhile.  

It’s been coming on for awhile and it’s sudden, all at the same time.  It’s unexpected, but also predictable.  Man and I have had a brutally hard year together and find ourselves broken and apart, unable to come together to find the solutions we so need.  Neither of has been evil to the other; it’s just a matter of feelings that have fallen off. 

I’ve reached out to my support network, but I believe that Man has kept this largely to himself.  If you know him and this comes as a shock, then I am sorry to have broken the news this way.  I believe he will need support as we move through this, and perhaps this is a way for him to get it without having to admit to where we are.

The work has been done, the arguments have been had, the quiet words have been exchanged, and rivers of tears have been shed.  There’s no talk of the “D” word just yet, but we’re at in impass and feel that some distance and time to gain some huge perspective will serve us both well.  I remain optimistic that we may come together at some point, stronger than before, but I also accept that we may just be fortified to be on our own as we move on.   I continue to love him and respect him tremendously, and both of us are absolutely committed to preserving the partnership we have forged over the years; it’s still made of iron.

Yes, we did JUST buy a big, lovely house, and for various reasons, we’ll continue to share it, in separate rooms, taking advantage of some very busy work and travel schedules over the next 4-6 weeks to stay out of each other’s way.  We have lived this way for a long time, in many ways, and it actually feels okay to have perameters around how this will work.  We’re both okay.

I dreamt last night that I wrote my name on all my eggs in the fridge, much like a horrible room-mate would do, but I doubt I’ll have to resort to that in reality.  Although, perhaps I should turn into this Nightmare Chick I lived with for a year and stop using soap!  Ha!  She was not a pleasant person.

Baxter remains loved and doted upon; he still gets plenty of walks and scratches behind the ears.  He has been behaving like a star; when he accidentally pulls something down from the counter to eat, he quickly realizes the error and saves us the trouble by running downstairs and punishing himself. 

I am letting go of things I always wanted and dreamt of, and am working through what this new scene looks like.  It’s terrifying to be thinking this way after such a long time togther, yes, but I know anything worth getting is worth working for.  All this work will lead somewhere quite satisfying, no matter where it actually is.  I am focusing on my coaching practice, my own wellness, and the things I DO have control over, and predictably, this does help.  I am also getting well aquainted with the occasional glass of wine, bag of Hallowe’en candy, and the less-than-occasional bowl of ice-cream (apparently it can solve anything, so I am trying to determine if that is true – I will let you know the results of the study).

Ode to Running

Running is on my mind this week.  I am running my third half marathon of the year in 2 days and I’m pretty excited.  Man and are heading to Kelowna tomorrow for a small getaway, and I am quietly hoping for a wicked PB.  My only regret is that Baxter is staying behind, as he’s my most fun cheerleader on any course and makes it go that much faster. 

I’ve been an on-an-off runner for about 20 years.  I picked it up briefly in highschool, but it never took because I was forced to do it in gym class, so it wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of.  I know now I would have been good at it, but I couldn’t bring myself to join track or anything scary like that.  I can still remember Mrs. Howard saying “If you’re going to run slow, you might as well be in a field picking daisies!”  It wasn’t safe to try it and grow at it.  Once I moved away to school, I ran more, but I was also a bit of a smoker then (oh, yes I was!), so obviously I wasn’t super serious about it.  I would go out a couple days a week to try and ward off some of the pounds that were sneaking on. 

When I met Man (and had long since quit smoking) I really got a little more serious about it.  I remember our first run together along the water in Victoria; it was the longest 20 minutes of my life and I whined and bitched the whole way.  I think I even cried.  I persevered and kept at it, running my routes and celebrating as I reached milestones: 10 minutes without stopping, 20 minutes without stopping, my first 5k, my first 8k, quitting, re-starting etc etc.  I would run in the dark so people couldn’t see my jiggly ass and purple face, then graduated to not giving a crap what people thought as they drove by.  At least I was DOING it, and it was more than than they were doing, sitting in their cars.  I ran but it’s truly been an evolution to call myself a Runner and appreciate just what this little body is really capable of.  Today, I know I’m suited to long distance running; my lungs love it (I can almost run with my mouth closed!), my body seems to roll with it, and my soul aches to do it.  Gone is the purple face, not gone is the jiggly ass (it just refused to go!), and always usually there is a smile on my face. 

My first 10k was an hour and 8 minutes around Elk Lake in Victoria.  I cried when I finished, I was so proud of myself.  This was the first glimmer of becoming a Runner.  It was magic.

Over the years, I’ve picked it up and dropped it a number of times.  I’ve missed it, I’ve hated it.  But I always seem to come back.  Running is like that, it’s always there, and you can’t beat the price.  For the cost of shoes and something to wear, you’re in the game.  Sure, it’s frustrating to start at the beginning after a break to get back up to speed, but it’s satisfying, and my hours of training have come to be some of my favorite workouts.   I like competing with myself and pushing myself.  There is a hill near my house that always killed me, so I never added it to my route, and now I do it almost every time I go out.  I use Nine Inch Nails “Closer” to get up it, but I do it and am still standing at the end.

My first half, in 2005 (the same year I turned 30) was slow…my goal was to complete it without any mediacal intervention, and I did, in 2:38:11.  I walked like a zombie for 4 days and had trouble sitting, but I did it.

Nowadays, I’m faster, and halfs don’t make me sore at all.  I have my system down with energy gels and what not, although I still tend to struggle with pacing.  I’m like Baxter that way, I get caught up in whoever’s passing me and speed up (he thinks he’s a sprinter when people run past us as we walk – cute!) and then die in a few minutes.  Like my work life, it’s about pacing myself.

Running is a group sport that’s individual; I get support from every other runner on on the road, but I don’t have to work out with them.  No one questions that I run when I go to buy new shoes.  No one ever says, “You gained 15 pounds, you can’t possibly be a runner!” Instead, they ask what kind of mileage I do in a week.  Anyone can do it. 

As I move into this next race, I’m optimistic for a PB, I’m proud of myself for sticking with it and pushing through a pretty bad last-race, and looking so forward to wearing my medal for the day.  Perhaps the whole week.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

On staring and being naked

Tonight is only my second night at home since Friday.  I took the dog and escaped for a restful weekend to the Sunshine Coast; I have a couple of friends housesitting there, and decided to join them for a few nights.  We reserved for the ferry, and that was the best $15 I ever spent – there was AT LEAST a 3 sailing wait behind me as I gleefully booted my way to the lineup.  It had cooled down from earlier in the week, so it wasn’t so hot that I was contemplating ripping off my clothes and fanning my armpits, so that was a huge relief.  Apparently Basset Hounds have a different gauge of the heat, because Baxter drooled, panted and basically leaked from all of his orifices for the entire journey.

He’s a bit needy on car trips.  If he’s in the front with me, which he was because the back of my car was filled with stuff I was delivering to my friends, then he spends the trip sitting and staring at me.  That’s all he does.  It reminds me of Man when I have to take him shopping, except Man doesn’t drool.  He stands nearby and just watches me while I shop and look at things.  I guess neither of them knows what to do?  In any case, it’s cute for about 10 minutes, then I feel like throwing a tantrum and instinctively start looking for boogers hanging out of my nose – why else would they stare?

My EXACT view for about 4 hours

We finally got to the house and easily settled into some cocktails (me, not Bax) and started to relax at the very quiet end of the road.  Bliss.

Saturday afternoon, my friend’s partner arrived home from a job he’d been working on, and it was hilarious because he greeted us in the front yard as we were picking some herbs and strawberries, walked into the house, and greeted us in the back yard a few minutes later as we made our way back to our lounge chairs, NAKED.  Ahem.  I’m not a huge nudist.  Sure, I sometimes stroll around the house a little in the midst of getting dressed, but I’m not truly naked very often.  This was a bit of a surprise, except it wasn’t.  B (my naked friend) loves to do everything in the buff, and that he and his partner have found this secluded paradise in the woods means he gets to be nekkid All The Time.

Truthfully, I wasn’t sure where to look.  I tried to be cool about it, but let’s face it, it’s like being in the locker room – I was a bit curious. I was encouraged to join in and strip down, but I just wasn’t feeling it.  Perhaps that’s another blog post all together…

That’s likely all I have to say about this.  I did request that he wear an apron while preparing dinner, but just embraced the nakedness.

The rest of the weekend was quite lovely; a bit of kayaking, an 8km run through the woods, some delicious meals and drinks, and many laughs along the way.  Bax and I stole away early (EARLY) Monday morning, and thankfully, the backseat of the car was cleared, so I wasn’t stared at on the way home.